Della travelled to the foothills of the Pennines to take on tough customers Littleborough in conditions that were not the best , wintery showers a cold wind and a pitch that was barely playable, but play we did. But this game would be marred by a flurry of cards at various times in the game three yellows and a red for the home team and one yellow and a red for Della. The game itself was played at a good pace with Della opting to play up hill in the first half, but it was Borough who struck first with a well taken penalty 3-0.Della were fighting back though and although the slope was against them they were getting plenty of ball from their set pieces especially the line out where quick ball was allowing Della to make inroads into the home defence and midway through the half Della pressure told with a great line out catch from Bryn Hughes the ball transferred to a driving maul and Paul Berry touched down to give Della the lead 3-5 Chris Petrou was unable to add the extras. But almost immediately Borough struck back with their own version of the maul and touched down in the left corner to regain the lead 8-5.Della were facing a much bigger and heavier pack but the ferocity of the Della forwards in the contact areas was begging to tell on the home side and with the second yellow it gave Della the impetus to force their way into the home twenty two and when a five metre scrum was awarded number eight Paul Berry with a neat pick and go out paced the cover to score this time Petrou added the extras 8-12. This score brought up the half time whistle.
The second half with both teams a man down would create space the trick was finding it and it was just that trick that the home replacement came up with with Della stretched in defence he put in a great cross kick for his winger to collect and race in for a try and a narrow lead 13-12, Now Della had the advantage of the slope and were putting it to good use forcing Borough back into their twenty two and it would be the Della captain Lee McCormick who drove the ball over the line to regain the lead with Petrou adding the extras 13-19. Then another yellow for the home side for a high shot and Della took advantage with that man McCormick who came up with a little piece of magic dummying and stepping to the line to score Petrou again slotted the extras13-24. And now the game looked to be in the bag, but another yellow this time for Della . And the home side took full advantage to score what would turn out to be a consolation try 18-26. The game ended with Della on the attack . You couldn`t ask for any more from Della they put in a great shift in poor conditions and got the job done, not many sides will come away from Rakewood with a bonus point.Their was some superb performances from Della With player coach Lee McCormick taking the man of the match award, but so many others were in that mould Ian Nichol, Rob Foxen, Ben Riley, Bryn Hughes and Liam Watson to name just a few. Although this was a blood and thunder engagement the amount of cards I though was disproportionate.
Vietnam war experience helps out our friends on the coast, after receiving a distressing call from the head grounds man at the coastal coliseum , informing us that Japanese Knotweed has infested the sacred first team pitch . Pat ( The butcher ) Tyson called upon his days during the Nam war to help, There as a young press correspondence for the magazine Wars R us, and having a pass to access all areas in the military encampments in the late sixties conflict, the Butcher managed to procure a stash of the herbicides and defoliants known as agent orange. a particularly nasty chemical that not only destroys crops, bushes and trees but also every other form of life, the very fact that Vietnam is still 20% contaminated by this dioxin forty years later shows that a couple of clumps of knotweed shouldn`t be a problem. So without a second though the butcher tootled off to his shed to get the eight forty gallon drums of the highly illegal toxin he managed to liberate from the compound in Hanoi back in his sixties flower power days. Agent orange is so called because of the orange stripes on the barrels it is stored in , this stuff makes sulphuric acid look like something you would irrigate your eye with. It has turned Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia into a death zone over twenty million gallons of the stuff was dropped in little over a decade, on hearing this Lancs RFU forced Della to go on tour there next year. The player who go on tour will certainly cut short their life expectancy .but as ever Della will take it in its stride, ( It`s better to die on your feet than live on your knees ) Any way I digress the Butcher duly used the chemicals on the hallowed turf and not only did it make short work of the knotweed it killed the soil as well, the down side the area is now a major exclusion zone . When agent orange was used in Vietnam the wild life were giving birth to young with hideous deformities and producing genetic mutants only time will tell if it has the same effect on the surrounding areas. But some cruel hoaxer on social media commented , how would we know ? One things for sure the knotweed has been cleared .
Recent reports on the internet have been giving some weight to the rumour that Stan Laurel is Clint Eastwoods father, now I don`t know if there is any truth in this but when we played Hawcoat Park earlier in the season their number eight who wore a scrum cap looked very familiar, we have asked the Cumbrian RFU to check the player registration ?
Bow legged women like swimming with me ?
Following my trip to Spain last week I asked the Della barmaid if she would like to see my castenets , I don`t know why she slapped me ?
I have always been the romantic type and with valentines day approaching I pushed the boat out and bought my missus a new mop ?
Eric the Grunt visited the doctors last week for a check up. The doctor was not too forthcoming about his health but did advise Eric not to buy any long playing records or send his suit to the dry cleaners. Industrialists also want to know where Eric buys the cotton for his buttons from after seeing how much tensile strength they display on his shirt front ?
With a crunch game looming with our good friends from Carlisle Della received an invitation to a pre match feast from our Cumbrian brethren sadly we had to decline as we would rather have King Herod baby sit our grandchildren ?
To say Alex ( Bah head ) Dixon has a precarious domestic situation is akin to describing the Holocaust as a tad excessive ?
This weeks guest on Della island discs was none other than Vladimir Putin he had been on a state visit to the North West taking in the delights of Wigan, Vlad is a lifelong fan of all things associated with seaside and on hearing about the famous Wigan pier assumed it was a seaside icon, the realty left Vlad fuming saying this is a western trick to embarrass him. The mayor of Wigan said in a statement , well I don`t reetly know what ft say or what ft do. But on a more pleasant note Vlads choice of music went down well with the listener. War by Edwin Starr, Two Tribes by Frankie goes to Hollywood and Eve of Destruction by Barry McGuire?
This weeks ask Pete ( Perpetual motion ) Massey comes once again from Della barmaid Natalie ( I can`t satisfy a man ) Blood, and she asks why her vulva has become a major topic of conversation over recent weeks .
Well Natalie dear to be brutally honest what first brought your flange to the fore was firstly the smell and secondly the flys, your dry arid and redundant womens pee thingy was producing a noxious aroma that would turn a skunks nose and was as dry as the Atacama desert, this caught the attention of Pete ( If that knob starts again I`m having him ) Halsall. Who was genuinely concerned for your well being and it was him who initially asked whats wrong with your lady garden. In depth analysis revealed a blood disorder coupled withan itchy dryness and stress related issues , as you were made aware at your pre op for your gender reassignment your op cannot go ahead until you are germ free and rid of any bacterial infestation in your tubes, and also free from any open sores , this is why you were repeatedly reminded about the importance of personal hygiene and proper sanitation , and the reason a good scrub and a course of antibiotics were requested by the surgeon assigned to your pioneering procedure. We would also recommend a stronger anti perspirent and a trip to the chiropodists to look at the growths on your feet, and more regular visits to the dentists . I hope this answers your question and may I say on a personal note good luck with your surgery and I hope you can finally control the inner demons you are tortured by. I`m always available for a chat ?
Some good news the government of the Faroe Islands have asked if they can be twinned with Della , their premier Aksel V Johannesen said the islands and Della share the same principals ,firstly a dislike of all things Wigan, the islanders have never forgiven that god forsaken town following the Faroes defeat 3-1 to Northern Ireland in the Euro 2016 series , when two Wigan Athletic players Will Grigg and Billy McKay starred in the win . And secondly their love of whaling , they harvest approx. eight hundred pilot whales a year herding them onto the beaches and then all the townsfolk come down to the shore to join in the slaughter which is called Grindadrap. no one is excluded women ,children the elderly and the infirm are all covered from head to toe in whale blood and a good time is had by all. . Della have been invited to the capital Torshavn for a special twinning ceremony and the local high school have asked for legendary Della seal clubber Lee ( Rip em to pieces ) Halsall to attend their after school club to demonstrate the finer points of seal clubbing. The islands government has asked if they can adopt No one likes us as their new national anthem , and the local brewery Foroya Bjor are showing a interest in sponsoring Della next year, And the Faroe Island Rfu have asked Della to operate under their banner , something that Lancs will be happy with ?