Chess Valley vs Feltham

Dark clouds were brooding as the mighty Feltham assembled, ready to venture into darkest Rickmansworth to battle Chess Valley. The miserably grey and sopping-wet day proved a foreboding omen, and right up until departing players had been hard find and harder to rouse. By hook and by crook a team emerged and readied itself for what promised to be a close encounter.

Driving-up through driving rain, the atmosphere was positive, but all were thinking about the weather — this was not a day for the fast, flowing and expansive rugby that Feltham’s renowned for. The torrential rain affected both teams equally though, and the pitch was a quagmire of long grass and puddles of standing water. We all knew it would be a tight, forwards game and that whoever could better deal with the wet would come out on top.

Arriving in plenty of time, we dispensed with the usual messing-about and were changed and out early for a warm-up. A troop of mud-encrusted, drowned rats trudged back into the changing rooms for a final rallying call before we were summonsed back out into the elements for kick off. The ref spoke of the weather and outlined his ‘hands off’ approach to discipline and promised to let the game flow as if he wasn’t there.

Winning the toss was a rare success that day. We opted to play with the wind, hoping to press home the advantage and crush Chess Valley’s spirit early on. This was, however, a decision that came back to haunt us.

Chess Valley kicked off and Feltham immediately charged back with Frankie and then Zed busting up. Chess Valley didn’t like Feltham sticking it to them and were clearly ruffled. Crumpy has had Felts working on a quick pressing defence and given the wet and windy conditions it paid dividends early doors.

Carrying early ball and putting in hits too, Dan S, who had bravely/stupidly volunteered to play no.2, took an early shower after falling awkwardly on his shoulder forcing a re-jig of the line-up and our first substitution. Crumpy came on and went number 8.

The ref’s “hands off” approach wasn’t really “hands off” - it was more “just shit”. Tackling and rucking, Feltham were denied pens when Chess Valley did not release the ball quick enough. A grey area perhaps, but it was all the more galling when Irvin was pinged for not releasing: cleaning up ball at the back, he was swung to the floor and, not being held, instantly bounced off his face back to his feet and continued only to be immediately penalised by the increasingly egoistic ref.

Scrum followed scrum which allowed Karl to make a nuisance of himself molesting the opposition scrummy who comically and unconvincingly pretended he didn’t like a little fingerbang. But it was all futile because Chess Valley’s lumbering pack easily had two extra men’s worth of weight and the benefit of shared experience. An unstable scrum meant number 8 picks were the best option most often and Crumpy slipped the ball to Karl, who shipped it to Reece who put in Dodge. Their defence plodded toward the handsome centre who delicately threaded a grubber between them. Unfortunately Darren ‘Shot!’ Reed was only able to kick the ball straight into touch with Joe Devereux in support.

Playing for territory and keeping Chess pinned back, Reece kept serving up the Gary Owens. However, when your lucks out it's out. The pressure of the press and the chase came to bear and one particularly nice kick was chased down by the backs and hacked onwards. Dodge and the full back were in a foot race and, being beaten the full back simply took Dodge out. Dodge got to his feet only for him and Harry to crash into each other and danger passed. Good rucking again created space for speedy Joe Devereux up the blind but crap conditions and an equally poor pass from Dodge messed up the opportunity again.

Some confusing decisions later and Feltham had still somehow managed to not score. Offsides and penalties started racking up and, with the sun appearing over the horizon, Chess valley started to believe. Their number 8 had been making yards and a tactic of “attack one way, then attack up the blind 'cos the ref doesn't call crossing or offside” was scattering our hitherto organized defence. Having as much time to hold the ball on the floor as they wanted without being pinged by the ref was also very effective.

As penalties mounted the ref started to seize the opportunity to take centre stage. Danny Devereux knows better than most that you need to be back 10 after a penalty, in fact it was a 'tactic' of his to take quick pens and charge and grab the nearest man.

In short, he should have known better. But he didn’t. And 5 yards from our line, with men onside either side, he tackled the man. And he was pinged. And he was sin binned. And then they scored. Saying it was Danny’s fault would be harsh, but few would disagree that defending with 14 is harder than with the full compliment.

In short, it was all Danny’s fault.

As we went a man down, the wind died down too and the rain abated. And as stormy grey gave way to sky blue, the low sun shone bright and Chess Valley felt they had weathered the worst. On the back foot and doing our best to play in their half, Feltham soldiered on to the break.

Half time, 5-0.

Far from being a welcome break from the rain, the sun proved to be even more of a hindrance. Whilst the rain fell on both sides without prejudice, the sun was blinding and clearly favoured one team. With Danny back in tow and the piercing sun in our eyes we kicked off, Reece sending the ball high but not quite ten. Opting for a scrum, and despite the Feltham pack being back to 8, Valley really began to assert their forwards’ advantage. The number 8 picked and went only to be sacked by Mike Fullick, and messers Fullick, Mitchell and Crump were on point all game long.

Feltham had their moments but it was never quite to be – an awkward slip, a mistimed pass or an unfortunate bounce always denying us. Quick pressing and effective rucking had us storming forward, hacking the ball away from their scrummy. Danny was so close to beating their full back to the ball but they just dived on it first. What happened next was just weird. Danny tried to mount the player and they mud wrestled gracelessly for a moment before the ref whistled. Danny was confused and the ref took some time to explain about the 'new' rule where you have to let the player up.

Feltham suffered with the set pieces, scrums in particular, but Chess Valley’s line outs were no better. Each time their spindly jumper flew up and fumbled was an invitation for Mike and/or Mike (no relation) to charge through or sack. The ever-improving Scott didn’t have much luck in the line outs either. They didn’t offer much of an outlet with both the wind and Zed conspiring to create more scrums.

One such scrum on the edge of Feltham’s 22’, slightly uphill and on sodden ground led to another Chess try. Their heavier pack just had to lean forward and let gravity do the work – the soft quagmire underfoot offered no traction and quickly Felts were sliding backwards.

Feltham stumbled but didn’t crumble, their no.8 picked and made a break before Crumpy and Mitchell snagged him. The ref blew and signalled a penalty try, despite their being another 15+ yards to go and our solid defence. He said we'd intentionally wheeled the scrum but as soon as we looked at him in disbelief he quickly added that our flankers hadn’t been properly bound. Short of gaffer tape, handcuffs and an S&M dungeon, it would have been difficult to have been any more bound. Blaming the flankers seemed an afterthought; just another poor decision from the bumbling ref.

Chess Valley though were finding it tough too; being put on their arses or wrapped up in mauls. With about 15 minutes left and provoked by an arm around his neck during a maul, Mike F. gave the ref a quick lesson in high tackles and the rugby world cup and how that filters down to the amateur game. The ref didn't entirely appreciate this. He decided to give Mike 10 minutes to have a little rest.

Again Feltham were a man down in the scrum and the referee certainly didn't give his whistle a rest. But Feltham still handled it well, manfully manhandling all and sundry to keep them from our line. In the end it took more scrums to make the difference.

Two scrum fives, uphill with no grass or grip led to two identical tries. You can't fault Feltham's effort and we can't complain – Chess Valley had the advantage and they used it well. We didn’t make the most of our possession and didn’t do enough to win. For all his blundering boobery, the referee ultimately didn't lose us the game either – discipline and a lighter pack cost us. The referee simply didn't help us. And he was knob too.

Chess Valley 24 – Feltham 0

Man of the match
There were few stand-out performers in shite conditions, but honourable mentions must go to Ben (again), Mike M (again again) and for coming out of retirement Crumpy. It wasn't a day for wingers but both Harry and Joe did as much as they could. Matt Irvin had a solid game at full back and thoroughly deserved his snakebite. One particularly memorable moment was when he received what everyone (except Dodge) called a hospital pass and was smashed to floor having barely caught the ball. He retained possession and got to his feet immediately only to hear the final whistle blow.

Friels of the match
Not too many contenders here either, but you can never ignore people who get yellows. A toss-up between Danny D for tackling a man without being 10' when in front of the ref and when surrounded by team mates who are 10' and Mike F for refereeing the ref (which never goes down well). Danny would have got it, in no small part because of his arguing with the ref after he belly-flopped a Valley player who had dived on a loose ball as well. However, because both culprits ha fled the scene of their crimes, Zed was nominated for no reason other than him being him. Fair enough really.

Feltham RFC

Match details

Match date

Kickoff

Attendance

Competition

Team Sponsors

Login