This report is heavily delayed having been subjected to the scrutiny of RFU censors. Such was the venom in its pages from your heavily biased reporter that the first draft was suppressed for fear of causing civil unrest of "Yellow-hammer" proportions. Indeed club officials denied all knowledge of this match report's existence until portions were leaked by an anonymous member of the rugby committee (said committee subsequently prorogued). This is a much curtailed and redacted form of the full report brought to you following a Humble Petition to HM The Queen and a Scottish Law Lords' ruling. Suffice to say all references to six fingered hands, consanguinity and historic references have been removed. We live in strange times Ladies and Gentlemen.

Sam Robinson turned an ankle in the warm up on the uneven playing surface.

Skipper Andy Magee leapt to catch the ball at kick off, performing balletics to claim the pill, only to overextend; reclining onto the turf as if he was Jacob Rees-Mogg glimpsing an expanse of vacant green leather upholstery.

The first 20 was all Baildon. With a heavy penalty count against Vandals for high or late/high & late tackles and ruck offences, the visitors had the first chance of points with a kick at goal when Vandals had been marched back ten metres with back to back penalties. The kick drifted wide.

Baildon conceded a penalty for driving up at the scrum, though the visitors appeared to have had the nudge when the Vandal front row popped up. Baildon's dominance at the set piece, in particular the line out, was impressive.

A kicking exchange saw Jake Duxbury drop back. As a Vandals kick crossed the plane of touch, Duxbury leapt from the field of play and appeared to tip the ball five metres back onto the field of play. The linesman's flag, however, went up. His arm went out indicating a Vandals line out. I didn't get the chance to count the fingers. It was from this line out that Vandals crossed to score. (5-0)

Adam Hewitt and Andy Magee were good in the loose but Baildon could not convert pressure into points. Vandals had another incursion into Baildon territory courtesy of a scrum penalty followed by a second penalty when the visitors jumped offside. Matty Robinson was receiving treatment for a badly cut finger when Vandals scored their second. (10-0)

Baildon now tackled high and were penalised but also shown Yellow. "Harsh" was the judgment of the Vandals supporter near me. Well he'll have seen worse.

Taking advantage of the extra man Vandals scored again before half time. (15-0 HT)

Turning around down the slope Baildon might have hoped to overturn the deficit. Jonty Glendinning went in under the posts but the referee had spotted a clear knock on earlier in the move.

Lax defending let Vandals in untouched for their bonus point try. (20-0)

Jake Duxbury executed a perfect Johnny Sexton wrap around move, Matty Robinson picking an incisive line to dot down in the corner. (20-5)

Jonty Glendinning beat defenders and Ollie Murphy took a crash ball to go under the sticks. (20-12)

Vandals hit back with a penalty. (23-15)

A Tom Parnell break should have yielded points but Baildon knocked on with the line beckoning.

Another drive to the line saw Baildon held up and awarded a 5 metre scrum. Danny Pollard scored off first phase ball. (23-19)

Vandals were by now conceding penalties out of desperation. From a ruck, not one, but two Vandals players launched forward a full five metres before the ball was out and the referee duly awarded a penalty. The Vandals coach, who had been multi-tasking all afternoon, added the role of referee assessor to that of coach, referee, commentator, Baildon player critic-mentor, time keeper; though to be fair I have never heard a real assessor speak to a match official in that particular manner.

Baildon were unable to capitalise and simply ran out of time. (23-19 FT)

Vandals celebrated at the final whistle. Their strong defence in the first quarter and tenacity in the last quarter was worthy of praise.

Congratulations to a strong second XV who notched up a home win. Awesome result!

Meanwhile your disconsolate, biased, one-eyed and highly venomous reporter has restricted himself to a diet of sour grapes all week. There are some games I really don't like losing. Apologies for the late report and let's do better at our home game on Saturday.