After winning at home the previous week at home to Rotherham Clifton and in doing so continuing the rebuilding of Fortress Abbey Road the maroons made the shortish hop over to Hemsworth to play in the much fabled Cage. A place where in recent times Burley had struggled with many of the current crop of players yet to get a win there. The maroons would be seeking to continue the revival of their season and of course a victory.

With the wacky races convoy arriving in deepest darkest Pontefract the players headed into the changing rooms for a spot of nudity…and to get changed…obvs…

Once changed the players headed out into (and for some a first taste of) The Cage, the conditions underfoot were good despite all the rain, if a tad greasy. With the warm up completed in tidy fashion, match shirts changed into, pre-match talk and therapeutic breathing exercises, and affairs set in order the players headed outside for kick-off.

Prior to kick-off however two minutes of silence were observed being that the match was the day before Remembrance Sunday.

Maroon full-back Mike ‘great bants’ Darby took the kick off and play began.

Hemsworth began their attack and worked steadily though their forwards. Burley too would employ this early tactic. Play was a general stalemate throughout the opening minutes of the contest until a forward pass (or perhaps knock-on) resulted in a scrum provided the initial moment of clarity between the two sides. The two gargantuan eights formed up and prepared to pack down. Adam ‘keyboard’ Wider was extremely talkative (probably due to the amount of pre-workout he had taken).Crouch. Bind. Set. The scrum-half fed the ball in. The maroon pack put on an all-mighty shove and Hemsworth buckled under the pressure. Backwards they went and so it would be for the remainder of the match. Utter-dominance by the visiting pack. It was a good day to be a maroon tight-five forward.

From one of these behemoth man-shame sessions the first score of the match would result. Burley were bearing down on the Hemsworth tryline until a knock-on would temporarily halt proceedings. A scrum would take place near to the Hemsworth line with the home side having the put in. No matter. Burley would win the ball back against the head not by simply hooking the ball but by pushing Hemsworth off of it. Like an F1 car stuck in reverse they shot backwards before Number 8 and facilitator-in-chief Simon ‘the Greek’ Panteli would pick up from the base of the scrum before feeding to supporting scrum-half Robbie ‘youthful but angry beyond his years’ George who shrugged a couple of tackles to score near to the posts. Full-back Mike ‘birthday boy’ Darby hit the post with the easy looking conversion to give Burley first blood at 0-5.

Play restarted and with Burley receiving possession from the kick they began to work their way down field until a Hemsworth player off his feet at the ruck awarded the maroons a penalty. Dave ‘Welshy’ Phillips did as instructed and kicked the ball into the corner. Throughout the afternoon like the scrum the Burley lineout too was dominant on their own and the opposition ball with virtually the only time Hemsworth got the ball being when they didn’t throw it straight (which would result in a scrum for Burley to dominate). The ball went to the front with Ryan ‘good at what he does but did have a sh*t minute’ Mitton taking the catch. The visitors set up a maul and drove their way towards the line with the forwards marching forward. Hemsworth crumpled and with the call of ‘over the line!’ the man in possession of the ball at the back of the maul Richard ‘am-dram’ Christie dotted down for the score. This time Mike ‘big nose’ Darby was successful in adding the extras taking the score to 0-12.

With everything seeming to go Burley’s way (apart from the odd dropped pass by a certain centre whose fortunes seemed to changed once he changed into his magical pink boots) Hemsworth successfully got the ball out of a scrum with their Number 8 picking up from the base and popping onto an onrushing player to score a converted try. 7-12.

With half-time beckoning the maroons reasserted order with another try; hammering on the door of the Hemsworth tryline with multiple pick and go’s Richard ‘wolfy’ Christie picked up at the base of the ruck and put the ball between his legs as if to pass it to another player but then changed his mind and flopped over the line himself. Potentially poaching the try from another- naughty. Darby added the extras to take the score at half time to 7-19.

Making a few changes at half-time (because the 1st XV actually had a near full subs bench this week!!) Coach Peter ‘loves a good holiday’ Leeman instructed his troops to play a little safer so that passes would not be going astray as much but to press home their advantage especially in the forwards.

The turnaround did not go well for either side. Hemsworth took the restart and kicked it straight into touch which resulted in a scrum to Burley- fair enough the maroon pack was on top. However for what seemed like an eternity after winning the ball back the backs would promptly drop it resulting in a Hemsworth scrum. Burley would then win the ball against the head and then the backs would drop it. Rinse and repeat. Eventually the maroon backs held onto the ball for long enough for play to be something other than a scrum-fest. Well done them.

Having steadily worked their way towards the Hemsworth line through some good handling (!) and sharp running lines the maroons had once again set up encampment upon the home side’s tryline. Man of the moment and try poacher extraordinaire Richard ‘Alreet Pet’ Christie latched onto the short range crash ball to once again get over the line for his hat-trick. The conversion was missed but nevertheless the score was now 7-24 with Burley having secured themselves the 4-try bonus point.

Again Burley worked their way towards the Hemsworth tryline but with Hemsworth turning over the ball a collective ‘bugger’ was thought by the men in maroon. It wasn’t a moment to panic though as Hemsworth were forced back over their own line with some solid defensive work and eventually given no choice but to dot the ball back over their own line. With Hemsworth having carried the ball over their own try line Burley were awarded the put in at the scrum. The tiring maroon eight were however unable to march the opposition eight back over their own line and so the ball was spun out to the backs into the sizeable mitts of inside-centre Dave ‘Johnny Bravo’ Phillips who from about 15 metres out carried three men on his back to force his way over the tryline for his sides fifth try. Mike ‘doing a Sam and getting mentioned loads’ Darby added the extras to take the score to 7-31.

With the game all but gone from them Hemsworth would get themselves a consolation score from a pick and go where a meaty forward wrestled his way over the line for a converted try. 14-31

With the clock now in the red Burley were attempting to get themselves another score and using the mantra of ‘always be forcing’ Dave ‘chunky’ Phillips attempted a misguided kick over the top only for it to be caught by a Hemsworth player (getting Dave a considerable about of grief from his missus on the side-line) who in turn attempted to create something from nothing and get another score for his team. Sending the ball quickly down the line a Hemsworth player attempted to offload to evade the onrushing maroon wall. The offload was intercepted by scrum half Robbie ‘smiley’ George who sprinted free leaving shocked home defenders in his wake to dot under the posts. Darby added the extras and with the referee blowing full time the final score was 14-38.

A solid forward led performance by the maroons where in truth the score could have been more were it not for handling errors and early ill-discipline at the ruck. Hopefully a turning point for the season nevertheless.

There were two men of the match in young half-back partners Robbie ‘two try’ George and Jonny ‘too much skill’ House for their commanding displays in their respective positions and in the case of the former his brace. Post-match in the showers the Hemsworth players were all rather impressed with the size of Richard ‘poacher’ Christie’s penis!

The 2nd XV won at home 7-5 against York 4th XV.

Training continues this week as it does every week on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 1830 as we build towards the 1st XV away at Skipton and the 2nd XV home to Yarnbury.

Please note that annual subs are now overdue priced at £33 with shorts and socks (£25 without) with a discounted price of £23 for students.

Many thanks for reading and I hope to see you all (new and old) soon.