I’ve been playing the game we call Rugby Football Union for the best part of 16 years. There’s been few lows, many highs. Games I’ve enjoyed, games I haven’t. Saturday’s game, however, is one I fucking hated. My morning started waking up fresh, optimistic of the fact Nestle Rowntree would do the smart thing and call the game off, allowing an all day bender to wet the appetite for the activities that were to ensue later on at Akmals. We waved Morgan off to his dead dogs brothers owners pet cat funeral in Newcastle, he could barely cover his little grin at the fact we would probably have to play rugby today. Fuck Morgan. Our pleas for postponing the game fell on deaf ears in the Rowntree ranks, even despite ushering them to consider the weather conditions when we play not 4 hours before kick off. Our fates set, we headed off to York in search of securing our place in the top 2 of the league. Captain, mediocre leader and debatable legend, Tom Rickards, decided to hurt his foot on a half marathon the day before on his quest to run 200km in the month (check it out, it’s worth a donation) and thus missed the game, entrusting match day duties to myself.

Reluctantly, we got changed into our little shorts ready to brave the elements, BMC losing some respect in his quest for being the hardest clubman by doubling up on both top and bottom thermals. After a brisk, slick warm up it didn’t actually feel that bad. Minimal wind, no rain, no snow just a couple numb fingers. Sod’s law would dictate that the elements would not be playing game come kick off and that is exactly what happened. Strong winds combined with intermittent horizontal rain were present throughout the whole first half. Undeterred by the elements LMD set about trying to educate our pick and go opponents on how to do a joue. The scrum, bolstered by BFD and Floydy, held up well against the burly Rowntree pack and laid a solid attacking platform. We eventually found the breakthrough after a neat break by Nix, hard carry by BMC and crash ball by hard cunt Danny Robins who dotted down for the first 5 pointer. Fresher Oscar Heslop with the kick. 7-0. More solid defence and pressure later won us the penalty. An LMD on the quest for promotion must now be sensible in these scenarios, so we went for the 3 and Oscar duly obliged. 10-0. I’m trying to remember more of the second half to tell you about but multiple concussions and the onset of brain freeze at this point has blurred my memory, so here we are at half time.

The second half is where the weather took a turn for the worst. A literal blizzard made it near impossible to see the ball let alone play with it. George Veall, in his fancy new boots, tip toed his way through the Rowntree defence amidst questionable tackles and improved our lead. 17-0. Archie Swain then took a penalty quickly and put in Cornelius Bumblefetch to prance his way down the yellow brick road and over the try line. Oscar decided it was time to show his true colours and shanked the conversion horribly wide. 22-0. At this stage I’m sure someone hit me in the cahunas but such was their numbness, if they were even there at all, I felt nothing. The ref then called the two captains, I wrapped my brain to think what it could be about. I couldn’t recall big Pat Moran lamping someone in the head. But our saviour in purple proposed calling the game 15 minutes early due to the adverse weather conditions, with their captain citing concerns for people’s health although that’s something we as a club have never thought about. And so it finished 22-0. A quick dash to the changing room followed by a stuttered angle dangle and huddle together under the showers to regain feeling led us nicely into getting excited for November Naan. Archie’s Chicken korma tasting even sweeter after a victory we celebrated in great fashion. James castle putting in a man of the night performance.

Cheers to Rowntree for hosting and especially for the battered sausage a chips post game.

Motm - George veall, good game by a very average bloke.

Dotd - Rickards for getting injured, what a dick.

I love this game
LED