Does the thought of another 4 weeks (min) being forced to stay away from others, changing your exercise regime (or limiting it completely), having to be the positive force within your home for yourself, partner, children, others fill you with heightened levels of anxiety, fear, worry? Does the thought of being forced to stay in an environment with someone else whose mental health has been gravely impacted by the current world situation cause your body to tense up, bring on headaches, impose other stress-related reactions within your body? What is happening to your self-esteem whilst the government battles to find the best solution? Does this new world we are being forced to be part of scare you or make you feel like you aren’t strong enough to face it head on? What is happening to your view of your own self-worth? Where do you see yourself fitting into this adapted world you find yourself in? Furlough has dealt so many people a terrible blow, as has the unplanned and eventual job losses. People are worried about their financial security more than ever before and our networks of those we can go to for a pep talk or to cheer us feels like it’s becoming more distant with each passing week or new government ruling. Our ability for robustness is being questioned, or value of our own self-worth and what impact we can have on our future is being threatened. Resilience may be at an all time low, fear of the unknown is sparking heightened anxiety in people up and down the country and beyond. The psychological impact of quarantine measures cannot be underestimated. If you are amongst the few who have coped well with their own company – then this is amazing news, if, however, you are like the millions who have not / are not coping – then just know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. What will ‘normal’ ever look like, and when it is likely to be making itself known in this current climate? Does the thought of face-to-face meetings scare you like never before? Are you chastising yourself for not having completed your to-do list in during the first lock-down? Are you worried that your skill set may have suffered from not being in the workplace for so long? If any of these are resonating with you – now is the time to look at the CIA model:
C = Control – what factors can you control in what’s happening to the world around you, and within your personal space? If anxiety is causing your heart to race, making you unable to get out of bed, causing havoc with your head space – try journaling what it is that is making you feel so uncomfortable. Writing stuff down is a great way of self-counselling. It enables us to look at what is bothering us, to formulate it into a list and to attend to the most important/pressing things first. ‘Can I control the world situation?’ – No. ‘Can I affect the length of lock down?’ – No. ‘Can I control the fact that I have been furloughed?’ – No. 'Can I affect the fact that football training and matches are cancelled until further notice?' - No. ‘Can I spend the time I have been forced to stay at home more productively; perhaps update that CV that I have been threatening to do for years, rearrange the sitting room, get a coat of paint on my daughter’s bedroom…?’ – Yes. ‘Can I schedule in some time daily to go for a long walk, a slow jog, a fast run, either on my own or with my children/partner/best friend/Dad…?’ – Yes. ‘Can I take a look at my finances and prioritise things that I need to be spending money on, and perhaps request a payment holiday on the luxuries or cancel the direct debits for services which I don’t use, I haven’t used, and I am never likely to use again?’ – Yes.
I = Influence – what factors can my worrying / planning / addressing affect/influence? If there are some that – no matter how much time I allow them to take up in my head I will NEVER be able to change – write them down and throw the piece of paper away. If there are some things that my influence can have a positive outcome for (re-organising finances, updating CV, etc. etc.) – then these can be on a new to-do list and I can work through them one at a time. 'Can I meet up with one friend for a kick about in the park, or can I use my time at home wisely to improve my shooting techniques or ball mastery skills?' - Yes
A = Adapt / Accept – American theologian Niebuhr once said “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Once I have identified the things I can’t control and thrown agency to worrying about them away, and once I have influenced the situations / outcomes that I can change, I then must either adapt my way of thinking / change my focus or accept that there are some things which I will never be able to influence and so save my energies for those things which I can. I need to ensure that my mental health and wellbeing is at the forefront of everything I do. I need to schedule ‘me’ time through all of this uncertainty – listening to a podcast, watching that box set, taking part in some mindfulness activities, going for that walk, having that long bath, creating a time table of practicing my kick ups or shots in the garden, or booking in time with one friend to do so in the local park…… I need to remember that I NEED TO LOVE ME as much as I feel I need to show love to others. I am a human being and my need for social interaction won’t go away just because I can’t have it – but whilst I can meet up with one other person from outside my bubble I am going to schedule that in and stick to it. Even if I meet up with one different person each day, or one every other day, or three a week – this is something that will benefit my mental wellbeing and enhance my feeling of worth and self-esteem. I must identify what nourishes and fulfils me – and then I must be kind enough to myself to ensure that I address this need in me, before I can hope to be all things to others.

Remember, this uncertain time in our lives won’t last forever, but how we allow ourselves to be affected and changed by it can have a lasting impact. In the words of the formidable Maya Angelou “Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space… invite one to stay”.