Well, after taking a short break from match correspondence I’m back. This absence has nothing at all to do with any letters that may have been received regarding slanderous accusations in previous reports. Nothing at all.

High profile attendees of the weekends antics included hypocritical assembly presenter and part time heckler Herr Mungo Shepard, goose step enthusiast and spiritual leader of the notorious Western Terrace Ultras Obergruppenfuhrer H.J Walker (MBE, OBE and Iron Cross) and for the first session, Rastrick’s disgusting, soulless ginger cricketing disaster and red faced reject Mark Edley (Pictured) - who missed the First XI’s batting display due to his criminally ginger complexion and thus extreme disdain for natural light, this combined with the fact that at the current time, his popularity levels stand on a par with Ginger Skip Wilson’s ailing motor skills, and the unbalanced ego of Rastrick’s cricketing martyr and sacrificial lamb, Terrence F.W. Hions.

In charge of Stinky Pete’s Surfside BBQ Shack was Pete Gill, eagerly assisted by his glamorous partner Kimberly Marsden. Who expertly placed Gilly’s grilled sausage between two firm white baps all afternoon, whilst craving an opportunity to plunge her bread knife between the shoulder blades of match ball sponsor and ultras pin-up girl of the month, Sally Cummings. Also in the crowd was Paul ‘Pampers’ Vickers, who has been forced to succumb to pant-based-protection at an earlier age than most due to his peculiar and predominantly disturbing post binge urination rituals.

Rastrick’s bowling display started well, with wickets for Ghani and Pearson reducing Moorlands to 12-3, which could perhaps have turned to 24-4 after a convincing appeal for caught behind off the Moorlands number 3 was turned down by the umpire, much to the dismay of the fielding side and supporters. In between rain breaks Moorlands went on to 81-3 off 21, 189-3 off 34 before eventually being bowled out for 273 after a blitz of 4 wickets for highly motivated ex-Durham quickie, Oliver Ashford, and 3 for ex-Sheffield Collegiate lad Jacob Waterson. Bruce McCoach bowled a ‘moderately good’ spell, but failed to combine his pace with a breakthrough, beating the outside edge on a number of occasions but ultimately failing to get a wicket. 



Tea’s were graded 10/10, because Paul Shaw’s mother scares me.

Having to return the day after, Rastrick’s batting display got off to a dismal start, Jacob Waterson fell for 1 run LBW, before bradley Birkhead was fired, deemed caught behind for 2, which was met with shock by the players on the John Bamforth Balcony and the Western Terrance alike. To Rastrick’s credit however, they took the events in their stride as McCoach and Ashford pieced together a good partnership, before Brucie fell to a good catch on 39. Ashford went on to make a good half century, falling caught on 59. After a cascade of wickets grandfather Lambert restored some hope for the Rastrick faithful but could not turn the tide, skipper Oliver Pearson also tried his best, conveniently forgetting to limp after playing a good shot, eventually falling for 23. Jack Pearson was the last wicket to fall, having his off stump sent tumbling with the score on 203. Rastrick can only ponder on the possibility of what could have been if the caught behind decision the day before had gone the other way, but this shouldn't take away what has in fact been a fantastic cup run.

Not bad for a “third division club”, eh.

The firsts are back in action tonight in our first 20/20. Bar Open from 6pm, come down and support beaky and the boys.