A few of last weeks starting 11 were missing this week. No Brothers Quinn were available for selection and comedy full back Paul Dixon was away shopping for a new carrier bag. This meant that club mascot Dan Wright was handed a starting berth in the centre of defence alongside Hairless Albino Rob Dalzeeel. After being left out of the side last weekend, trained chimp Andrew Taylor slotted into his favoured left midfield role, with the promise of as many free bananas as he could carry if he managed to not kick a ball over the houses behind the goal!

Hapless skipper Cameron Forster managed to lose the toss, meaning that the vets had the advantage of the famous welfare slope in the first half. Kicking down the hill the home supporters thought that their hero’s in blue would put the visitors to the sword, but the vets managed quite a lack lustre start to the game. The one high point from the first half, apart from virgin Tom West’s goal, was how transfer listed Dean Black seemed to get more pist as the half wore on. He started on a 5 out of 10 and gradually got worse and worse.

After creating a dozen good chances, missing most of them and taking the lead through West, the vets managed to concede from a sloppy set piece to make the scores level at half time! The message at half time was to keep doing the same thing, the chances and the goals would surely come in the second half.

And they did. West poked in his 2nd from close range and after keeper Simon Parkin had preserved his sides lead from close range he side footed a third after a superb cross from man of the match Lucas Patterson. Moments later the points were safe when amidst gasps from the home support, West headed (eye headed) his fourth of the game. Like in 3 seasons the vets faithful had never seen him head the ball, never mind score a header! Sensing that west had peaked, he was taken off and on went Frankie Hucks. Hucks, having stayed in the previous night, was like a new signing and it wasn’t long before he split the defence with a slide rule of a pass allowing Taylor to touch the ball past the advancing keeper and then into the empty net. But he didn’t win his bananas, as manager Keith Smith was on Boldon lane looking for the ball that he had just shanked a good 100 yards over the bar moments before.

You might think that was going to be the miss of the match? Well think again. After beating off stiff opposition from Black with an astonishing missed header, Wright gets that accolade after managing to miss his header from 2 yards out in the centre of the goal. Pure comedy.

Keeper James Mcgregor came on for a 20 min cameo appearance at full back and showed his team mates how to deliver a corner into the box, putting a peach of a ball into the back post area that was begging to be nodded home. But wasn’t. He then showed his team mates how not to tackle. After being turned inside out he back heeled his opponent square in the nuts and then claimed it wasn’t a free kick because “He did that to me up there!” But hes got a vets tatoo so he can do what he wants!

Ryan Wardale also came on, but for the 20 mins he chose not to kick the ball!

So with the points in the bag, the vets look ahead to next weeks trip tp Consett to take on the Scotch club in the first round of the county cup. After that we are going on the drink to bid farewell to our brother Deano, whos dreams have come true ……………………… of following his ex lass to London.