..... a tough away tie at Siberian league champions Consett Scotch Club.

The cry offs were too numerous to mention, but I’ll have a go anyways.
Wrighty – Changing from Sunderland supported to a mag!
Lee Van-Es – On an Oompa Lumpa training course with his dad.
Ryan – played 20 mins last week and still tired.
Frankie – Couldn’t be bothered.
Marty – Couldn’t be bothered to give an excuse.
Cammy – mobbed by women after going out dressed as Phil Gray.
Phil Gray – In hiding after Cammy drew freehand, 2 tattoos that were better than his. Raaaaaaaaaaaaa.

With Consett being in the Arctic Circle, they were granted special dispensation by UEFA to play the game on an artificial surface and the 12 lads who did turn up were chomping at the bit to get stuck in. The game will also be the last game for first team players Dean Black and Rob Dalzeeel. Deano is chasing his ex to the big smoke in the hope that she will give him one last chance, and Rob moving to Vancouver to start filming the Canadian Crystal Maze.

With the Vets down to the bare bones and having only one sub, former Dexys midnight runner frontman Paul Dixon was restored to the starting eleven at left back, and former cage fighter Andrew Quinn was drafted in as a last resort.

The vets started the game well, but somehow found themselves a goal behind when after a needless corner was conceded by effeminate Dan Evans the Consett defender smashed the loose ball past the static Simon Parkin. But with team spirit at an all-time high, instead of crumbling the vets just kept knocking the ball about and almost had an equaliser when Andrew “Bubbles” Taylor cut in from the left and lashed a shot off the crossbar that almost lifted the goal off the ground. But the vets did restore parity when Fraggle Lucas Pattinson pounced on a loose ball and calmly slotted it home.

However, barely 2 mins had gone by and the vets found themselves behind again. Some weak as piss tackling on the right allowed the nippy winger to get around the back of Deano, and his ball across the 6 yard box ended up stuck under the foot of Rob. The ensuing scramble would have been funny had it not been in out penalty area as the ball was getting hacked at from all angles until a Consett player finally put the vets out of their misery. The vets still continues to play their possession football, and after having the lions share of the ball they scored a superb second when Puffta Tom West, putting in a sublime performance in central midfield, found Pattinson out wide and his cross was headed home by the outstanding Nicky Quinn. Honest lads, what a goal that was!!! The Consett forwards were dangerous, but the vets defence dealt with them well and continued to take the game to their hosts.

Handsome betwetter James McGregor was thrown on for the second half, replacing Parkin in the vets goal enabling that the vets to have an outfield sub for the second half as Andrew Quinn looked to be treading water as early as the warm up!

Then vets upped their game even further in the second 45, containing the home threat and mounting numerous attacks that somehow didn’t find the net. The lions share of them fell to Lucas, who managed to spurn chance after gilt edged chance as the game looked to be heading for extra time. Just to prove that last week was no fluke, Taylor managed to shank another great chance high wide and not so handsome and even Deano looked to round his final appearance off with a goal. But after a fine run from full back, he got himself into the box after a mazy 60 yard stumble, but he just forgot to shoot. Para(olympian) Nathan Readman, wearing Jonnys number 8 shirt, had his usual Jekyll and Hyde performance, going from the ridiculous to the sublime time and time again. He nearly grabbed the winner but shot narrowly wide with Andrew Quinn in the middle, grateful that he didn’t get a pass!

The home team thought they had nicked their place in the next round with 2 mins to go, after a deep cross was superbly parried by Jimmy the lively No 10 slotted the loose ball into the vacant net only for the ref to blow for offside!! Unsure where that decision came from the vets went up the other end of the pitch only for Lucas to again spurn the chance! With the game destined for extra time, and Parkin excited as the was no-way Andrew Quinn had another 30 mins in him, lucas again breached the Consett defence and this time slotted the ball past the advancing keeper to give the vets a dramatic, but well deserved, victory.

As a reward or their superb win, the vets were handed another tough away tie in the next round, Gatesheed Belle View on November 27th.

What a performance lads, seriously everyone, well done indeed.

Then to round it all off, Cammy spoilt the whole day by not even comin oot to see Deano and Rob Off!!!!!